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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Day 12: Trying to...Fear Not

The most oft repeated command in scripture is Fear Not. Many an angel have uttered those words to frightened people.  The reason it was so often repeated is because people were scared.  And yet I do love the sentiment that God enters our fears with us and tells us to be not afraid because His is with us in all things.
These funky little angels that adorn my house each Christmas seemed appropriate for today's post for a number of reasons.  My mom made them back in 1966 and I grew up with them around the house.  I have always loved the fancy hairdos that these angels sport, probably because I had short, pixie cut hair when I was little and perhaps dreamed of a day when I could have a cool flip, or pony tails like these girls!  Anyway...I took them from my mom's house several years ago and just love putting them out every year.  Today they represent to me the angels who cry out, "Fear Not".  Just now, there is a new reason to feel a little fearful.  My mom has been fighting (valiantly) cancer for the past 4.5 years.  She's had times when she has been very, very sick and we thought that we would lose her.  But we have not and for the past year or so, she has been in remarkably good health and even had periods of time when there was no trace of cancer in her system at all.  Sadly, those days have shifted again and the latest news is that the cancer is back in her body, showing its ugly face once again so she will once again begin chemotherapy on Monday.  The Dr. feels that he will know a lot within 6 weeks so we shall see.
The thing of it is that neither my dad, my mom nor I fear death in and of itself.  My mom is a faithful saint who will surely be met at heaven's door with a "well done my good and faithful servant."  Hundreds of people have been touched by her caring presence in their lives.  In fact, when my mom asked why she still feels and looks so good even though the cancer is active, her Dr. said, "It's because you are filled with the Holy Spirit."  So it's not death itself that creates angst for us.  For me, I feel sad that she may lose quality of life again.  I hope she won't be as sick as she was in the past while on chemo.  I hope and pray that the medicine will be the healing agent that she needs right now.  We don't know any of this today.  The words of Great is Thy Faithfulness ring in my ears...strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Great is God's faithfulness unto us.  I believe that with all my heart and entrust my mom's journey to God's care.
These are the days when the distance that separates me from my parents feels long and complicated.  I want to be home with them and yet my advent journey is unfolding here in Stockholm for now.  I am grateful for my church family, my friends and my loving husband who join me on this journey.  And I will listen with bended ear for the joyful chorus of the angels that surround me saying, "Fear Not, for I bring you good news of great joy, that today in the city of David is born a Savior."  A savior who draws close, brings comfort and peace and healing.  I trust that today and every day and find that my fears rest just a bit easier.  May you also find rest from whatever it is that is stirring up fear.