A Great Week of Summer Fun

It has been a good week in the Fondell household. We've had good friends in town visiting from the US and we've enjoyed being together with their adorable 7 year old daughter. We've continued to have great weather so we've been able to get out on our boat and enjoy some picnics with many different sets of friends. I even got back on the tube!So did Jim, Cathy, and Kajsa!

 The boat provides a great way to spend time with people which is one of the things I love about summer...a more relaxed pace allows for the space to actually spend time with people. So in the past week, in addition to the three boat picnics, I shared a long conversation with a dear woman from church around a pint of Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra and enjoyed a fun, relaxed evening at home around a table filled with grilled sausages, corn on the cob and a wonderful salad with our friends from the US and another good US friend who lives here. Their daughter's name is Kajsa, a distinctly Swedish name but you can imagine that she doesn't find it written on things very often in the US but here in Sweden, it's pretty popular so we found this Coke Bottle for her! Her dad also discovered that it was her name's day here in Sweden so an added bonus! The day of our picnic was only the second day they'd been here. Fresh air, swimming and jet lag took their toll on the way back in! 
In addition to our standard spot south of Stockholm, we added two new spots to stop and enjoy. One was in the Djurgården canal, which is in the heart of the city! Fun to drop anchor, pull in, swim, grill, and enjoy nature from the center of Stockholm!

The other is an island we've been to before but had not been to for awhile. The perfect place for evening sun, eating, swimming.

In addition to the company, the weather continues to dazzle even as the days are waning. This is about 8.30 p.m. now.It is now dark by about 10.00 pm and we need to be pulling into the marina around 9.00 pm to get things buttoned up before dusk sets in. But that means that the sunsets coming in are just spectacular. And the air remains warm and humid so no need for even a sweater! An added bonus is the position of the sun and moon right now. Sunset on one side. Moon rising on the other. 

Just breathtaking.

Last night I stepped on a hot coal from the bbq which did not feel good so for much of the way in I sat on the front of the boat and dangled my feet in the water. The cool water felt good on the seared area and it was so relaxing to listen to the boat cutting through the water. 

(Foot is fine this morning).

These are the times I treasure...time well spent with dear friends in a spectacular setting.
(Thanks for Cathy for some of these great photos.)

Welcome to Sweden: Episode 4

This episode opens in a café where Bruce is putting his "American" on by chatting up the clerk. You would think he would know by now that Sweden is not the Cheer's Bar: Everybody does not know your name nor do they care! But to be fair to the lovely pub across the street from our house: The Man in the Moon, the wait staff does know us and it is pleasant to chat a bit when we stop by, which we don't much anymore because a pint of beer there is $10.00. And even though they know us, we do not run up a tab. But clearly, the most egregious part of this whole scene is the fact that he is buying a semla in the summer. WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. Semla is a cardamom bun cut in half, with almond paste on the bun and then filled with cream.  Semla is a treat for Lent, only. An indulgence that traditionally was eaten on Mardi Gras as a way to prepare for the disciplines of Lent, admittedly, bakeries are now putting them on the shelves shortly after the new year, but once Easter arrives, you won't see them again until the following winter.  Also, it is impossible to eat one with your hands.
OK, now that I have that off my chest we can move on to the rest of the content. This episode mainly focused on Bruce trying to find a job. He visits Arbetsförmedlingen: The Swedish Public Employment agency. Sweden does work hard at helping people find work but it's not like you just walk in and they hand out jobs! We have some folks at church who work there and it's hard and taxing work because of the expectation that people have that you can simply pull a job out of your magic hat and make people happy! And it is also true that many of the jobs on offer are the low-level cleaning or taxi jobs that so many immigrants end up with. And while many people in Sweden do speak English, most work places function in Swedish. The fact that Bruce does not speak the language nor wants to work in his area of expertise makes finding the perfect job a little tough! It's also totally silly. Again, would never happen in real life. Jobs are really hard to come by for foreigners and as Bruce noted, "It's really expensive not to work." He would likely be interested in anything that could put some kroner into his pocket.
Probably the most frustrating hinder for me here in Sweden are the strict and parochial laws regarding obtaining a driver's license. Sweden is not the most open place for reciprocal agreements. They want you to be trained in their system under their rules for just about everything so usually, even in one's profession, you have to get some kind of training here in order to practice your craft. With the driver's license, even though you may have been driving for say 35+ years, you still have to return to Driver's Education, both written and practical. And it's true. It's incredibly expensive. What really grates on my nerves regarding this practice is that people from Great Britain are exempt from this because if you have a license within the European Union you don't have to get a Swedish license. Great Britain has far less in common with the Swedish driving situation than the US does...They drive on the left for goodness sakes. But they are exempt. Grrrr. This topic gets my ire up.
And ya know what else gets my ire up? People who come to Europe expecting to drive a rental car but do not know how to drive a stick shift. Listen people: Learn to drive a stick before you come to Europe. The vast majority of cars here are stick shift. Don't get angry about this. Learn that this is the custom. And while I am at it, if you plan to go on the Amazing Race, learn to drive a stick. You will have to do so. DUH.
True to form, when Bruce encounters the Farthinder sign, he giggles. All Americans, no matter their age, turn into 12 year boys when they see the "fart" signs around town. Fart hinder is speed bump and one of my favorite words.

Infart is entrance with a vehicle. Utfart is exit with a vehicle. Full Fart is high speed. You get the picture. Farting is all over this society.
I must admit that the no turn on red rule still gets me sometimes. When I'm back in the US, it takes me awhile to remember that I can do so. After enough cars have honked at me, my memory is usually jolted back into place. And then when we return to Sweden, I have to be very disciplined to remember to stay put until the light turns green. Luckily I don't drive very much here.
My last impression this week was when Emma and Bruce were in the bar having a drink and they encounter Gene Simmons. Most remarkable to me about that scene was that Bruce orders a Gin and Tonic. Probably cost him $20.00. Drinking out costs a lot of money. Getting a driver's license costs a lot of money. Being unemployed costs a lot of money. If Bruce wants to keep up this lifestyle, he better find a job and soon! Full Fart Framåt Bruce! (Full Speed Ahead Bruce!)

Welcome to Sweden: Episode 3

This week's episode was slightly tamer but still there were some funny nuances to ponder and of course, the dynamics between a cross-cultural couple came more clearly into focus. Being both Americans, Doug and I did not share the struggles and joys of trying to fit into each other's world's as a cross-cultural couple nor have to face the headaches of obtaining the proper paperwork in order to stay together in a foreign land.
That said, the entire commentary on neighbors and not talking with them was pretty funny. While it is definitely a stretch to believe that people here look out the peep holes on their door to ensure that no one else will be in the hallway, I can confirm that chatting up your neighbors or even worse yet, strangers on the street or on the subway is a big time no no here in Stockholm! If you chat too much with strangers on the street they will think you are A) Drunk. B) Mentally Ill. C) American. Americans in particular have a very hard time with this cultural nuance as witnessed by Bruce's repeated attempts to break the barrier. Our own interpretation of this stand-offish-ness is that Swedes are rude. Over time we've come to realize however that Swedes often find the American over the top friendliness disingenuous and fake. Somewhere between rude and disingenuous perhaps lies the truth. I've come to understand that Swedes respect people's personal space too much to interrupt it with chatter. Funny enough, sometimes they aren't so generous with personal physical space and will crowd you in a line or crash into you with a baby stroller and never once utter a meager excuse me, because to say excuse me would mean to break the code of silence when it comes to talking to strangers. Silence is not uncomfortable for them and relationships are cultivated when, well, an ensuring friendship is actually a possibility. And yet, this is likely one of the cultural realities that I continue to struggle with after 16 years. I still find that the Swedes lack of casual social interaction feels very cold to me and it's hard for me to not read more into it than I should. Then again, when I'm in a very bad mood and don't feel like talking to anyone, this social behavior comes in very handy! It's totally acceptable to put your head down, keep that scowl on your face and trudge through your daily business!
We've lived in our building for 16 years. In that time, we've said hello to most of the others who live here but we've only been invited into 2 other apartments for a social gathering and those were from others who worked at Immanuel Church. To be fair, we've not done any inviting of others into our abode either. Why? I don't know.
We do chat casually. The dog has definitely broken down barriers and opened up new avenues of communication, but there is no inviting each other in and I'm not sure we could actually tell you the names of everyone here nor could they tell you our names!
I did really laugh at the end of the episode when the older gentleman is genuinely stuck in an elevator and Bruce, finally not wanting to buck the social trend, simply runs on by with a hej hej! There is a downside to all this social distance and being ignored while needing to be rescued out of a broken elevator would certainly fit that description!
The funny thing however about this is that once you have broken into a Swede's social circle, their hospitality is over the top. That's why if you come to Sweden and visit relatives or friends, you will likely not catch this nuance, unless of course, you find yourself in downtown Stockholm trying to share you trip details with every Swede you see. Then you will definitely confirm in their minds that you are indeed drunk, mentally ill and American.

Summer Loving: Loving Summer

After a miserable June, July has been a real stunner in Stockholm! One hot sunny day after another has been on order and we've enjoyed it to the max! There's nothing quite like a warm summer in Stockholm. The ability to enjoy the water and be out in the late light without feeling a chill is a rare and special treat and we are making the most of our opportunities to drink it in. Here are some highlights:
July 4th we were invited to some dear friends' island paradise for a special celebration with fellow Americans and other assorted nationalities! We took the Finnmaster out to the southern archipelago and enjoyed the wondrous beauty of our wild island surroundings. The company of good friends was icing on the cake and we toasted our homeland, sang the National Anthem, proudly waved the American flag, grilled and enjoyed. Gorgeous evening with gorgeous friends.

Even Tanner got in on the grill action!

We spent the night out on the island so enjoyed the late night sky and a gorgeous moon.
Picnics in the archipelago. We've continued our tradition of heading south to the artipelag area where we just love anchoring near a rock, grilling good food and swimming in the beautiful Baltic. A treat this year is that the water is not stinkin' freezin' cold! We've taken lots of friends out to enjoy the wonders of the archipelago for the first time. I never tire of the views, the sky, the sunsets, the refreshment of being out. And oh that summer light!
I was privileged to officiate at a very interesting and beautiful wedding of a young couple who came to know me through our church. She was American, he Swedish. Both are artistic and this wedding was vintage and quirky and all together lovely. The wedding itself was held in an apple orchard. THANK GOD the weather was good! I have no idea what we would've done if it had rained. Mud up to our ears...happily dodged that problem! The reception was in a barn. The guests were dressed in anything and everything. The new look for men right now seems to be rumpled with a dash of style. Cotton trousers, rolled up at the cuff, any manner of shoe, no socks.

This is a man

Bow ties seem to be quite in as well. Footware was funky. Delightful evening in a gorgeous setting with a lovely young couple. Love is grand!

We were delighted to share in the 50th birthday celebration of a good friend from the US who had a dream of celebrating his 50th here! We had met some of his friends awhile back so was very fun to see them again while also meeting some others from Chicago. It was a special time on the water in the company of sweet people.
After spending one month watching World Cup football almost non-stop, we held our own Immanuel World Cup last Sunday. This has become a great tradition in our church and proved to be a wonderful time. As usual, the final score was Fun to Fun.
Some friends who used to live here but now live in Germany came to visit with their 9 month old golden retriever. He had never been swimming so Tanner showed him the ropes. What fun it was to watch these two romp around in the water. I was in the mix with them and enjoyed watching Jaden figure out that he really could swim and that it was really fun to do so! He was living into his retriever identity in no time, racing Tanner for the ball and swimming and frolicking like a pro after a very short while!
It's hot in Stockholm. Some are complaining that it is too hot and when I hear that I just cringe. My feeling is to just yield to the heat. Be hot. Get sweaty. Jump in the water and enjoy. Because if one thing is for sure...it won't last. It's already getting dark by 11.00 p.m. I'm holding on tight to these incredible days. I am loving summer, that's for sure!

Welcome to Sweden: Episode 2

OK, so now we're two weeks into our Swedish/American cultural exchange via TV and here are my thoughts on Episode 2. It is
 H-A-R-D to learn a new language at any time but especially difficult the older you are. When we first moved here, Doug and I would try to speak Swedish with one another when we walked our dog. But Doug would just start making up words and I would throw Spanish in once in awhile so it wasn't a very fruitful learning experience! It did make for some good laughs however! Errors are inevitable and when you try to translate expressions, it gets rather hopeless rather fast! There are small nuances to words that are very hard for a foreigner to hear so it's easy to make a lot of mistakes, even some embarrassing ones along the way! As my friend Liz mentioned in her comments last week, one of the frustrating aspects of seeking to learn Swedish is that because the Swedes are so well-versed in English, they will often hear your broken Swedish and immediately switch to English, thus giving you no opportunity to practice. One experience stands out for me. I had to go to a music store to buy drum sticks and well, that wasn't exactly included in the vocabulary lessons so I walked in and asked, "Prata du engelska?" the phrase I have perfected in Swedish! He said, "Of course" as many Swedes reply in this way. So we transacted our business and then he asked how long I had lived in Stockholm. I said, "6 years." And of course, he proceeded to scold me for not speaking Swedish after all those years. So I switched to Swedish and said, "I do speak Swedish. But if I try to speak Swedish with Swedes, you switch to English so I just thought I'd skip that step!" grrrr. But then, after about 7 years something amazing happened...the Swedes quit switching to English! All of the sudden something in my pronunciation and vocabulary and sentence structure created enough confidence in my language skills that the native speakers of Swedish were willing to speak Swedish with an American! It is frustrating however to feel like you want to learn the language but those around you don't really want to help you. They'd rather practice their English. Fine. But don't criticize English speakers when they don't speak such great Swedish!
On being embarrassed to admit you are American...I have felt this at times, especially when the political situation was very hot regarding the war in Iraq. It's a funny thing to be from America...so many stereotypes and pre-conceived notions emerge. Some good, some not so good. Words to live by: Do not judge a person by their country.
I will say this about the show: The brother character is totally atypical and I don't like his role in the show. He comes across so stupid and clueless and I find it terribly distracting and unfair. Not sure why the writers felt they needed to write the brother in such a dumb manner.
Of course, Bruce and Emma's desire to get some alone time dominated this episode in an overbearing manner. Wondering how the American audience received this.
The scenes at the summer house bring a big smile to my face, especially the exchange between Bruce and Emma's father! The notion that a summer house is to work and build is really very funny. While Swedes do love to relax, it is also true that most spend the entire summer working on the summer house. And yes, most summer places that are out in the archipelago have only an outhouse...strict plumbing rules prevent flush systems although now there is a new and dazzling toilet called the Cinderella that turns human waste into ash. It is truly awesome. Our friends with the gorgeous summer place have one and it has transformed toilet life in the archipelago! You put a large coffee filter type thing in the toilet, do your business, then flush. Instant incineration. Truly genius. Although I will add that the outhouses I've used here are the cleanest and nicest I've ever had to use.
Will Farrell's cameo was of course hilarious. Just the condescending way he chides Bruce was very funny. The fact that he's actually married to a Swede adds to the humor. I thought the woman playing his wife in the show was his real wife, but apparently that is not the case. Have never seen what she actually looks like but someone said she is a brunette.
On the Dala Horse: There are more American homes with Dala horse decorations than any Swedish homes. In fact, I'm not sure I have seen any Dala horses on display in a Swedish home. That said, they are a national treasure. Yes, I have a few in our home here.
Finally, the small detail of Bruce not liking cinnamon is only appreciated if you understand the importance of Fika: the hallowed tradition of coffee and a little something, usually a cinnamon bun! Not liking cinnamon is almost heretical. A hard cultural nuance to catch if you have not experienced this.
All in all, some clever bits in this episode but still...I wonder if sustains attention with the humor being even more and more subtle.
Those are my thoughts: How about yours?

Welcome to Sweden: Episode 1

Hello readers and watchers of the new TV show Welcome to Sweden. I received some great comments regarding the show and will continue to watch with interest as the series unfolds in the US. Probably the most obvious comments are rooted in this sense of needing a little backstory on living in Sweden to fully appreciate the humor. That is why I wonder if an American audience will find it sustainably interesting. I even wonder about a second season here in Sweden. Cultural stereo-typing only goes so far and in the case of this TV show, it's already way over the top. I guess we feel more freedom to laugh when the stereotyping is quite outrageous because in some ways, perhaps the more subtle cultural differences make us uncomfortable rather than providing a mechanism for a chuckle. Please do take the time to read the comments after yesterday's post.
Not surprising to me, the comments with the most resonance came from those who have lived here, especially other Americans we have known. They could see through the stereotyping to the incredible mix of excitement and awkwardness that entering a new country involves. One friend who lived here didn't like it. She felt it was tacky. Others who have a romantic love affair with Sweden through their family heritage, visiting Sweden on vacation, or studying aboard here for 6 months or less, sometimes found it a bit too critical of the foreigner's experience in Sweden.
Which perhaps leads me to my first point. The experience of actually moving abroad, leaving home, family, job and actually attempting to acculturate to another country all together is extremely different than visiting, studying abroad, or connecting with family traditions. The added dimension that Doug and I have not had is being in a cross-culture relationship. This will always present challenges because no matter where in the world you and your partner live, one of you will always be the foreigner. One of the major reasons moving somewhere as opposed to visiting or studying there is that at some point in your journey, all of the things that you found initially charming and funny eventually annoy you. The key to handling the annoying bits is to try to understand why they have become annoying and adjust accordingly. This often takes a year's time, when you've expended energy on learning the language, set up a bank account, adjusted to foreign currency, and the glow of living abroad has been replaced by reality. Don't get me wrong. I have loved living in Sweden. But even after 16 years there are things that baffle me and make me a little crazy. However, the same can be said about other things in the US but that is a reflection for another day.
As for the first episode: Here are my obvious reactions:
1. When Amy tells Bruce to enjoy Norway! I had to laugh. So many people think we are living in Switzerland. Cracks me up how this happens ALL THE TIME.
2. My experience with meeting Swedes for the first time is that they weren't so huggy as they were in the show. And the outrageous behavior depicted with the drinking is not entirely fair and would likely not take place on someone's first day unless you were to land on midsummer eve. Then maybe it wasn't so far fetched!
3. The way Swedes raise is glass was hilariously depicted...with all the eye looking. It is indeed an art and value that is not to be messed with! And we've sat around may a Swedish table, positively dumbstruck by all the singing. How can every Swede know all of these songs by heart? Well, I guess we Americans all know Take Me Out to the Ballgame...even if you hate baseball!
4. We have been to crayfish parties where all the sucking of the fish was equally as loud as in the show!
5. Small talk does not come easily for Swedes. The scene with Emma's father trying to find something to talk to Bruce about was hilarious for me.
6. The character who loves American TV and film is hilarious because we've seen how American media has shaped Sweden's view of the US. Many Swedes hone their English through watching our films and TV and for better and often for worse, allow our media to shape their view of us. We are a fairly shallow lot in the media. But then again, our view of Sweden from the media is also very silly. There is no Swedish bikini team, not everyone has blue eyes and blonde hair, and Sweden is not an evil communistic socialist state.
7. The sauna scene was just funny because of its outrageousness. It is true...no swimwear in the sauna. The claim is that is unhygienic. You do eventually adjust to the rule, even as an American, if you enjoy the sauna. Mixed nude saunas are very rare and I've never encountered one in a public place. Also, I have never been with Swedes drinking in the sauna. It is true that Swedes are generally much more comfortable being naked than Americans are. But it is absolutely not a sexual thing at all. In fact, when on a beach with topless women or naked men, it is really quite a non-issue. And really, when you think about, it does allow you the comfort of not having to sit around in a wet bathing suit. That said, I only bathe au natural when alone or with Doug. Even 16 years has not emboldened me that much.
8. I love seeing Lena Olin in a Swedish role. She is super funny for starters and it's fun for me to listen to her speak Swedish.

Us on midsummer eve, the only day of the year I wear a flower wreath. I have never seen a Swede pick someone up at the airport with this flower arrangement on their head!

Another of the comments was that it was a little racy. I think that's also true for the standard of what defines raciness here in Sweden is very different than in the US. There will be drinking, sexual references, and maybe even a bit more nudity along the way. Some of the episodes are not that funny at all, but I encourage you to see the series through. There aren't that many episodes and it will be fun to reflect on it together. I am happy that my friends in the US are at least getting a slightly different look at what it means to be an American here. Of course, it's way over the top...but as I mentioned at the beginning...that's why we can laugh. Because it doesn't hit quite so close to home as to hurt. I must say, good on the Swedes for allowing such self-deprecation to be depicted in this show. It does reveal their silly side which is often quite hidden. I have appreciated their ability to laugh at themselves. We certainly all need to for no culture is without its quirks.