Here We Go Again

Today is the first day of Advent, the season of the year, marked by the four Sundays that precede Christmas. It is a season that is filled with joy and hope and anticipation. Children (and well, let’s face it, adults too) all over the world where Christmas is celebrated have eagerly awaiting December 1...the day that they can begin opening Advent windows on their advent calendars, one for each day as we head toward Christmas, each one filled with a candy, chocolates or a surprise.

Advent is a well-celebrated season in Sweden, probably in part due to this being the darkest time of year up there and the extra light supplied through candles and decorations is more of a necessity than a luxury! I could always find these wonderful Advent calendar candles, numbered with 24 numbers and a cute little symbol. I would burn each portion of each day while doing a little reading about Advent. This year, when Doug was in Minnesota, he went to the Swedish Institute’s Julgladje, (Christmas Joy). I asked him to look for an advent candle for me and he found one! So this advent, I get to maintain my tradition of watching Christmas come closer by burning this cute little candle every day.

But this Advent we also stand in anticipation of a bigger event that is unfolding in our lives. A couple of months ago we were contacted by the pastor of a church in Europe wondering what our status was and if we were open to employment. We said that we were basically waiting (the central theme of Advent) to see what God might have in store for us next. He told us that his associate pastor was going on paternity leave and that he’d like us to consider coming and filling in for him while he’s on leave. It didn’t take us long to say yes and in the past week the details have finally been worked out and at the end of January we’ll be moving to Luxembourg to serve at All Nations Church Luxembourg. 

We are thrilled. Luxembourg city is a gorgeous little town that will be fun to explore more deeply. We love the lead pastor and his wife and we both have some prior connections with this church.  4 years ago I spoke at their all church retreat. Last year Doug preached there and this church was one of my interview churches for the book I’ve been working on that pertains to the church being a place of welcome for strangers and foreigners. So in some ways we already feel a connection to this community and it will be great to get to know them a bit better in the coming months. The assignment is short, only mid-February through mid-June. Yes, we are taking Maddie with us. But because it ends in the teeth of summer, we plan to stay in Europe for a few extra weeks, perhaps doing some pulpit fill-in for pastors wanting a vacation and taking time to visit friends who remain there. We had already planned to return to Europe in January, to visit our friends in Paris and then attend an International pastor’s conference in Egypt the first week of February. So we’ll still do that but instead of coming back to the US, we’ll stay on in Lux and start work around Feb. 17. 

Lux city is a beautiful place and we look forward to exploring it with even more depth. We do welcome this opportunity to return to Europe for a season, to connect with Paris and the American Church there, to spend some time enjoying the gorgeous Swedish summer, to have some time to savor relationships that mean so much to us even though the geographical distance is great. And of course, we feel very blessed to connect with another congregation and look forward to serving that community in whatever ways we can.

We’ve been waiting and wondering what our next steps will be. Now we know. So it’s back across the pond once again. May your Advent journey be filled with hope and anticipation...Christ is coming. Let’s get ready.

Reflections on Thanksgiving

I went to a beautiful Thanksgiving eve worship service last Wednesday night. It was held in a large Episcopal church in Palm Desert and the minister from the Lutheran church where we have been attending was preaching. I have fond memories of attending this type of service prior to our move to Europe so it was something I really wanted to do. The sanctuary was gorgeous.  Big choir, big organ, fine liturgy...it was just what I needed! As I left I began to reflect on a couple of things. First, it’s still a little strange at times to be the congregant and not the pastor. I like going to church and not being the one worrying about every little detail, but I miss crafting the services and preparing well to give others a meaningful experience. And those reflections got me thinking about Thanksgiving memories in general. 

This was only the 3rd Thanksgiving day I have spent the US for the past 20 years. Once, while we were living in Sweden, we made a trip back to spend Thanksgiving with Doug’s family and to celebrate my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary which was in December. Two years ago we were here in the desert and Doug’s mom and sister joined us. This year Doug and I spent the holiday apart. Doug flew to MN to be with his mom and the rest of the Fondell clan and I stayed in the desert to take care of our 11 month old pup. We just weren’t quite ready to find care for her for week. And it’s been good. Good for me to be the primary care-giver to Maddie and good for Doug to spend time with his mom and family. 

While growing up, the focus on Thanksgiving weekend was on my dad’s football teams. The post-season play-offs were in full tilt and if his team was not playing, well, there was a pall upon the household. Fortunately, his success meant that most Thanksgivings we were engaged in a Friday night lights situation and that meant that Thursday morning there would be practice. But dad always made it fun with ending the practice with a field goal kicking contest that every player would participate in followed by a major pie feast. The parents would bring pies and lots of extra folks would come and serve them up. Each player got 1/4th of a pie and there was feasting and merriment all around! It was also Southern California so it was very warm. We’d then enjoy a Thanksgiving feast at the beautiful home of my dad’s team Dr.’s house where we could also swim and play tennis if we wanted to. But because my dad was always crazy with football and because we always went to these friend’s house, I didn’t grow up with the preparation of Thanksgiving aromas wafting through the house and I didn’t even watch my mom make the meal. 

My college years were spent with invitations to various friend’s houses. Memorable Thanksgivings include one in Detroit where we attended the Lions NFL game, especially meaningful since at that time one of my dad’s former players was playing for the Lions! Another highlight was a trip to DC to spend the holiday in Maryland with a group of college friends. I recall seeing the Atlantic Ocean for the first time, thinking it so odd that the sun was setting behind me on the beach, seeing beautiful Washington D.C. for the first time and a crazy mishap with marshmallows and an oven door. Trust me, cleaning up melted marshmallow from a hot oven door is not a fun thing to do on Thanksgiving day!

The years I spent in Colombia revealed to me that Thanksgiving would become the holiday that I was most homesick in all my years of living abroad. The November holiday is a uniquely American thing and it is the one day that the entire nation eats pretty much the same thing with small variations on the sides. And so to be in a foreign country where I had to work and where nothing was geared toward the holiday, well, I just felt the most out of step with home than any other day. The PTA of the school where I was teaching in Colombia always put on such a lovely dinner for us teachers but it wasn’t quite the same. I do recall one parent saying to me once, “This Thanksgiving holiday you have...it’s a lovely thing”. That has always stayed with me. 

Soon after I met Doug we often were in Minneapolis for Thanksgiving which became a fun new tradition for me. Other times we were with church friends, especially if Doug had responsibilities over the weekend in his church. The inter-faith service that our community in Chicago participated in was always a real treat, because the rabbis joined us and the theology of the day worked for Thanksgiving without any real compromise on anyone’s part. 

The move to Sweden meant being away from the US again on the holiday. The first year, I didn’t really think it would matter but then it was Thanksgiving weeks and those old longings were emerging. I wasn’t a great cook when we first moved to Sweden and so I was on the phone with my mom a lot, asking about the timing of things and especially about how to make gravy! The internet was just emerging as a “thing” so looking up anything you need to know and watching a YouTube video to learn wasn’t quite on the radar yet. I remember going to the store on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It was quiet. Not many shopping then in Stockholm. I was thinking about the contrast of the stores in the US that very moment. I tried to piece together a meal from unfamiliar ingredients. We ended up with roast chicken and soggy stuffing and some potatoes. It was all quite unceremonious. But over the years, I finally figured out that I needed to take THURSDAY off and make it my own holiday!  And then the magic of Thanksgiving really took off. I had to search high and low for a 9 or 10 pound turkey, and pay a fortune for it but it was definitely worth it. We often had lingonberries instead of cranberries but it worked! We began a tradition of inviting a few Americans but always had some folks who had never experienced a Thanksgiving dinner. I loved creating a beautiful table, filling it with delicious food and gathering friends around. My folks came over for Thanksgiving one year with a 20 pound turkey in their luggage! It almost didn’t fit in my tiny Europe-sized oven! But we had two tables full of people, each one with a memorable story and something profound to be thankful for.  Anytime friends were coming to Stockholm during the autumn, it was a given that they’d be bringing canned pumpkin, a bag of pecans and stuffing mix! Throughout the years we enjoyed welcoming different folks to the table and it was pure joy. I miss gathering folks from the around the world at our table and now those longings emerge here in the US. Often on Friday morning I would peruse the internet, enjoying my own version of Black Friday. I was never a Black Friday shopper but enjoyed seeing what deals were on offer even if I wasn’t ordering anything. For me, it was about connecting with my homeland, something i think every person living in a foreign country feels the need to do no matter how far removed from one’s own culture you are.

The Thanksgivings in London and Paris were wonderful and unique each in their own right. In London, the church held a big Thanksgiving potluck the Sunday before Thanksgiving so that was a lot of fun prepping and cooking food for that. Then on Thanksgiving day we participated in a big worship service at St Paul’s cathedral, not a bad way to give thanks! In Paris, there was also a big worship service, and the English speaking Rabbi gave the message so it was nice connection to our Chicago days.  

The church hosted a big meal but not on Thanksgiving day so I wanted to do my own meal. But turkeys were hard to find and expensive and French chickens are so delicious that I roasted chickens and made all the sides and our intern and his wife, and their best friends who were visiting feasted with us!  I didn’t have any of my own decorations or table ware so I used ceramic yogurt cups as flower vases and made a table runner out of pictures from my favorite table decorations, the picture above, from Stockholm! By then I had perfected making gravy and liberally used French butter in just about everything, including my home made pie crust which has now become a signature dish of mine! In fact, I used the last of the French butter I imported to make my apple pie this year. 

This year was a holiday spent with friends while Doug was with family. We have a friend we met in Paris coming to visit us for the coming week so I will make a turkey dinner so we can enjoy some of the leftovers! I remember 2 years when Doug’s mom and sister were here, I was so excited to know that I could get every ingredient that I wanted in abundance and didn’t have it do any recipe gymnastics to make something work! 

Thanksgiving became memorable for us through the years instead of being a day of loneliness and longing because we decided to forge new experiences and traditions in a variety of settings with a wide variety of friends. Of course you miss loved ones when you hop around the world like we do but you learn to satisfy your longings through creatively engaging new traditions. But no matter where in the world you are, or how much distance separates you from people you long to be sharing the day with, Thanksgiving is about being grateful for the abundance of blessing we enjoy in this life. OK, Thanksgiving is also about butter and gravy. But it is a very good reminder to be grateful. This Thanksgiving holiday we have, it really is a beautiful thing. No matter what, there’s something to be grateful for. It’s good to think about that and say it out loud sometimes.

Local Halloween Flavor

Last Sunday afternoon we ventured over to the Halloween Golf Parade in Palm Desert. It reminded us that we really do live in a smallish town. The local newscasters are always the celebrities.

I gave the parade an A for effort. The theme for the parade was Super Heroes and teachers were lifted up as some of the best super heroes.

I loved that many schools were represented with their marching bands and drill/flag teams along with a few cheerleaders for good measure!

Drill team...see the wooden guns flying?

Outstanding drum corps

LOVED seeing Jr. High marching band kids

Heavy lifters

Some of the golf carts were cutely decorated. 

I had a special fondness for the one "dressed up" like a VW bus. 

And this tribute to some fantastic women in our world was a big hit too!

This one, highlighting 90's stuff was super cute too. 

When did the 90's become such a thing of the past? 

I might've even tucked some ideas away for when our club does a golf cart parade!

Sadly, I have to give the overall parade about a C-. It was roasting hot (not their fault) but the parade organizers didn't keep things moving at a good pace and there wasn't enough music between the bands so there were long lulls that were quite boring. So we left a bit early. Even so, it was fun to get out and enjoy a community event, especially one where you could cheer kids on and celebrate their involvement.

Autumn Perspective

     Today is the autumn equinox. This was one of the sadder days for me when I lived in Sweden because it signaled that the time of year when there would be more darkness than light was beginning. Don’t get me wrong. I love autumn. I love the sports of autumn, especially American football, baseball playoffs, the Ryder Cup and when I was playing, volleyball. And the dazzling display of changing color that the trees brought to us in Sweden always delighted the senses. Our last few boat rides in Stockholm were often chilly but gorgeous as we watched the foliage transform along the Djurgården canal and throughout the archipelago. And after a hot summer, (which was rare and awesome in Sweden), the chilling air was refreshing and it was fun to think about putting on a sweatshirt. But that waning daylight was always a tough pill to swallow.

     Now I am living in a California desert and have to laugh at today’s temperatures. (C left, F right)  On the news they’ve been showing the forecast with a little note stating autumn underneath the 105F! It’s just so different and so funny. Since I grew up in CA, it’s not that unusual to have a warm September and I do remember as a kid watching the trees try their level best to change color, going from green to green yellow! When I moved to Chicago for college I got my first taste of trees that really changed color and have since experienced some even more dramatic autumn action around the world. On my Bucket List is to get out east one October to experience the awesome New England autumn that is legendary. But here in the desert, autumn is really only a calendar thing. We have color going on in our garden, but it’s not autumnal color. Lovely lantana

Purple sage

Yellow Tecoma 

I love the riot of color that the desert foliage brings our way. It’s just so very different than reds and oranges that come with cold weather places. In addition to the blooms around our garden, our citrus trees are busy ripening the fruit for the winter harvest. Our key lime tree is already dropping tons of fruit! 

The lemon tree is full of fruit! I have succeeded in my goal of never buying citrus as the techniques I used to freeze lemons and lemon juice have worked out well!

Grapefruit gold getting ready for good eating and juicing!

So on this autumn equinox, with temperatures still hitting triple digits, it’s hardly sweater weather! I find myself longing for summer to be over, a feeling that I never had for the 16 summers we spent in Sweden! But like in life, there is a season for everything and for this particular season in the desert, I remain grateful for the warmth of the sun, hot as it may, the blue skies that dot our landscape most every day, the beauty of the desert landscape with its pinks and purples instead of reds and oranges, and the changing seasons, however slight that change may seem! And while we’ll have shorter days during the “winter” here, it far surpasses the 6-7 hours that we got in Stockholm. So here’s to 9-10 hours of daylight and temperatures below 100F and the opportunity to put on a long sleeved shirt! No matter where in the world you are experiencing autumn, or down under, the change to spring, may you enjoy whatever bounty abounds around you. And if you live in the Nordic north, get those candles ready for the cozy winter!

Two Women Named Kristi

     Oddly enough, in the past month I have lost two friends named Kristi to the very same cancer: late stage colon cancer. Both were recently diagnosed, and within months, both died from complications that arose during the treatment. It has been sad and unexpected news on both fronts.
     The first woman who died is someone I have not seen in years. Her family went to the same church as mine as we were growing up and she was a bit older than I was so I was actually much closer to her younger brothers. But I remember thinking that she was the most beautiful person I'd ever met when I was a young girl. She was fun, and vibrant, wearing a huge smile much of the time. Facebook re-connected us years later so even though we hadn't seen one another, we had gotten caught back up on our comings and goings. Because I wasn't on the inner circle of friends, I didn't even hear about her diagnosis until she was very sick. And then she was gone. Sadly, her wonderful father is still alive and he has had to walk the incredibly difficult road of losing a child. I feel so deeply for people when this happens having watched my parents and Doug's parents go through this. She also leaves her three brothers and a loving a husband, children and grandchildren who she obviously loved very much. I will be able to attend her memorial service this coming Saturday and as often is the case, the silver lining will be renewing old friendships and celebrating a life well-lived. Peace to the memory of Kristi Robbins Steven.
     The other woman who died is someone I had an abiding friendship with through the Association of International Churches in Europe and the Middle East. Her husband, Steve, served International churches in Oslo, Norway and Berlin, Germany and were active participants in the annual conferences and youth conferences that were held each year. Though we only saw one another once or twice a year, our friendship deepened as we shared ministry and life concerns on a deeply heartfelt level. Kristi was a warm, generous person who had vast musical gifts. She shared all of her gifts openly and graciously and we loved meeting up with them each year. We shared a lot of laughter, especially at the banquets of the conferences, but also spent time in heartfelt conversation, sharing our deepest wounds, ministry stressors, and life concerns.

Steve and Krisit on the shores of the Baltic at our Stockholm Church retreat center playing a bit of Kubb

Always getting ready to share some music

Leading and encouraging

Steve and Kristi always shared such beautiful music with us.

Steve and Kristi are good friends and we will now miss Kristi very much. They have two girls, now college-aged, who loved all things royal so when the royal wedding took place in Stockholm, they were quite envious of our proximity to the event! I sent them photos of our experience in downtown watching the Royal Newlyweds enjoy their special day. Their youngest was an au pair in Europe last winter and she came and spent a weekend with us in Paris. We have felt connected to the Kienbergers for most of our International church career. They recently moved back to the US and invited us to enjoy the Oregon coast while we were opening the doors to greater sunshine in the desert when the fog got to be too much. Kristi was diagnosed only in June and so things declined very rapidly. So rapidly that I actually never got around to sending that note that I wanted to write to her and Steve. Then all of the sudden we got word that she had passed due to complications and like that, Kristi is no longer part of this world. I feel so deeply for her husband Steve, and their two daughters, one starting her senior year of college and one just starting her college journey. The blessing I suppose is that because they were back in the US they were much closer to family so all could be with her during this challenging time. Even so, the shock of her passing must be a bit overwhelming as she was so deeply loved and gifted.
     So peace to the memory of Kirsten E. Penner Kienberger. I will miss her as I know so many others will as well.

One final note...if you are thinking about writing to someone to thank them for something, to give them a word of encouragement, or just to reach out and re-connect, do it today. We really never know what tomorrow will bring.

20 Years Ago

I haven't written much on the blog of late...guess life has been just a bit to mundane to muster the energy to write about something! But today is July 28, 2018 and it made me think about July 28, 1998. 20 years ago today we moved to Stockholm, Sweden!

Many happy moments shared in Sweden

It's hard to imagine that 2 decades have gone by since that initial move overseas. We were so young...a mere 37 and 38 years old.

We were kids when we moved to Sweden!

Neither of us had been senior pastors of a church but I had been the campus pastor at North Park and Doug had been the interim senior pastor at the church where he had been an associate for 7 years so we were ready to step into more responsibility and leadership. But still...looking back, I realize that the church took a bit of a chance on us, green as we were! But the beautiful thing about our going to Immanuel at such a young age and then staying on for almost 17 years, is that we and the church grew up side by side. The church was very gracious with us, allowing us to try new things, use our creative energy, and make mistakes! We learned just about everything we've ever known about ministry and life in the caring embrace of the beautiful congregation of Immanuel International.

Celebrating Advent and Christmas at Immanuel was always a highlight

That congregation has kind of ruined us for life as far as churches go. It's a bar set way too high but we are so thankful that we were privileged to lead and be a part of that place for so many years. Friendships that we formed during those years are friendships that are sealed on our hearts. We don't get to see those dear folks very often but thanks to social media and Facetime and Skype, we do get to check in once awhile. That said, I also know that years and years could pass by without contact and our shared history in Sweden would immediately draw us near to one another again.
There is no way to recount the highlights of 20 years but here are some memorable moments.
-We moved our first dog, Lucy, overseas and she spent several years enjoying Sweden with us after surviving a 4 month quarantine.
-We got Tanner, our Swedish born lab, 4 months after Lucy died. He was a huge part of the heart and soul of our life there. What a fabulous companion.
-We owned 2 boats while in Sweden...one a complete junker that at least helped us get a prime marina spot and the fabulous Finnmaster...

The boat that we enjoyed countless hours on, sharing with friends, exploring the fabulous Stockholm Archipelago.

Tanner and I both loved swimming in the Baltic even though it was usually freezing cold!

-We attended the International Pastors Conference every single year that we lived there, with the exception of the one I missed when my mom died. That group remains a mainstay of support, collegiality and friendship for us even to this day.
-We suffered loss during these years, most notable: Doug's 2 sisters, my brother, my mom and dad, our dear friend Ethel Magoye who helped us forge the Uganda project we worked on, and dear Bali, the mentally ill man who graced our congregation. Peace to the memory of them all.
-We endured the dark winters and enjoyed the long summer nights. I can honestly say that while the snowy winters were initially always beautiful and more fun to walk the dog in, I do not miss the short days one bit. I can long for the amazing summer nights in Stockholm but now that I live where sunshine is pretty much guaranteed most of the time, it isn't as hard to live without that long light.

Summer nights

-We became Swedish citizens ensuring our right to live and work in Europe forever. What a gift.

The entry to our apartment

-We lived in the most beautiful city apartment and retain amazing memories of meals shared around our table, parties held to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, church events, holidays, both Swedish and American, and friendship.

Our cozy kitchen

Home office

Our living room. I loved this apartment.

Oh if those walls could talk, what a story of friendship, love and life would emerge. 

Our beautiful dining room. So may meals shared around that table with loved ones from around the world.

-We dressed up a lot...

We were always up for dressing up!

Like the king and queen of Sweden, as crazy characters for our Vacation Bible School program known as Wacky Wednesdays, for parties and halloween.
-We loved deeply and were deeply loved in return.

People ask us if we miss it. That's hard to answer. I miss some things. Other things not so much. I miss the people. I miss the church. I miss living near the people and places I love so much. Mostly I'm just so grateful that those years were ours to enjoy. We grew so much. We learned so much. Our horizons were broadened in meaningful and necessary ways. 

20 years ago today I departed on a jet plane from Chicago O'Hare airport into a vast unknown. There were tears. There was sadness. But there was great anticipation about the new life we were going to forge ahead with. We'd signed a 3 year contract and suddenly 16.5 years zipped by. But in the meantime, my heart became full with friends who became family, people who made places memorable, experiences that I will never forget, and a church that will always be the gold standard for congregational life for me. I savour the memories with gratitude in my heart.